Ever had so much bad luck your whole life that when everything turns out fine you start panicking? No? Just me then, huh? [Note to self: question marks aren't THAT cool] See, ever since I can recall from my early childhood life has been, to say the word shitty, would be undermining it. Things have never gone the way it was supposed to. I was supposed to be this wonderful gift from God that made their parents proud. The kid that was involved in every extracurricular activity you can name. The kid that raised their hands proudly in class and answered every question without a second thought. The kid that awed other parents and was hated by all the children. Yeah, turns out that child is only found in fictitious books. Although, I have yet to come across such a book. Nope. As it turns out I'm a complete and utter disappointment to my parents. Not just a disappointment, I'd gladly take that title. No. Even worse, I am a mistake. An accident. A curse. A waste of time and space. Moi, negative? Please. This is me being positive. As it turns out I am that kid that stares blankly at the teacher as other students get what's going on within minutes. I'm the kid that lusts after girls with gorgeous, curvaceous bodies that don't look anything close to mine. I am the kid that smiles at every person I pass by no matter how terrible my day has been. I'm the kid that sits around while other people live their life. I watch from the window of my room or the bench in school as children, teenagers, adults run around. Playing, laughing, talking, bitching about what a skank Mary actually is even though she portrays this holier than thou attitude. Ya know, everyday things that normal people do. Socialize. I, like to sit under trees, with a book in my hand and attempt to draw something. Someone. It would help if I could actually sketch something, but life would be too darn easy if you got everything you wanted. No, instead I stare at what is supposed to be the a face of... a girl? Beats me. Could be an alien. So even the one love I have, art, I majorly suck at. Joy! Most people my age have graduated college and have a steady, wonderful job. They have bodies of which twenty year-old somethings are supposed to have. Sexy, toned bodies fit for showing off at the beach. They have parents that are proud. They have people who love them and people that they love. They have friends that are intelligent and encouraging. Some are stupid and fun. But they have friends. I am friends with everybody, yet I do not have friends. Instead, even now in my late twenties I am still in school striving to finish my undergrad because I fucked up and didn't pay attention. Education is everything. I get that now. A few years a little late. Still finishing my undergrad because I was stupid and ignorant in my early childhood years and I didn't pay attention to what I was supposed to do. So here I am, still in college surrounded my..jesus fucking christ...teenagers, that are sadly more mature than me. They already know what they are going to do with their life. I. Still. Don’t. Fuck. *takes long deep breath* So, I decided to change ALL of that this semester. This semester would be better. This semester I would make real friends. I would join clubs. I would strive for all A's. I would make my parents and myself, for a change, proud. Well, I've joined clubs. I've made new friends. I'm doing well in almost ALL my classes. See, I have one of those asshole type teachers that choose their favorites and pick on the rest of the class for the remainder of the semester. Fuck him. I'm better than that. I will NOT let him take me down. Everything else is, dare I say it, perfect. Except for one thing. See all this change I have made doesn't make a bit of difference to my parents. Nope. I am still a disappointment and failure to them. Doesn't matter when I graduate. It's not on time. My father still looks at me with the disgust i have learnt to accept as love. Yes, without this disappointment towards me, he'd stop being my father. He’d be a stranger to me. So I have accepted this look of disgust and disapproval I have come to accept since childhood. I am and will always be a failure in the eyes of my father. But hey, that's his way of telling me 'I love you'. And truthfully, I'd rather have that, than nothing at all.